he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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