dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
