She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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