is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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