I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My vagina just recognized that song.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
