he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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