the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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