He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
