Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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