I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
