Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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