also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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