Soap is not a condiment
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize