the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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