She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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