too bad you live with your parents still
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
