I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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