So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
