meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
