the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
