Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize