I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
