I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
