Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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