Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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