just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
