we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
