I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
