my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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