a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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