grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
