You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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