and she was petting her beer can
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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