I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize