Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
