ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
