i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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