I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
