hotel room ftw
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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