anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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