I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
