I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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