The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
