Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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