i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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