I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
