the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
