Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
whose ass print is on the piano?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
