someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
