ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize