My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
