yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
