you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
