coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
