Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
