my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
