i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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