I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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