Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
