These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize