and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
