I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
why is half of my head shaved?
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