i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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