God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize