I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
