Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
