i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
