It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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