help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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