i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
