it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
