i don't like sucking hair
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
