ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
