Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize