I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
