new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
