You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
