i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
