Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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