im having a threesome with these popsicles
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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