it was like his penis was on wheels.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Floor bacon is actually really good
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
