2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Success! We fucked roommates!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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