Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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