I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
