He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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