it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
