Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
