you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
