How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
