I'm gonna have a badass scar
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
