I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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