I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize