Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
