Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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